February can be such a difficult month, though the days get longer, the feelings of greyness can suppress the soul. Most of my life, I can trace this time of year to significant and difficult incidents starting with my dad's choices leading to his second divorce. It was a day I both was grateful for but dreaded, the loss of my family and step-siblings. The same night I found out about the divorce I was to perform a monologue as Lady Macbeth in a high school Shakespearean showcase. That day was an exercise in tough choices for me as a 14-year old, I was told "the show must go on." Lady Macbeth convinced Macbeth to murder others and later kills herself off-screen. She is a heavily divisive character, many see her as a villain, as she influences Macbeth to commit regicide. Others have seen her as a woman bucking the status quo, rejecting the perceived limits of her femininity and making change. I lack the power and influence of such a person, but this kind of divisive individual seems to be impacting most Americans based on whichever newsfeed they read. I have chosen to focus on kindness over crimes. Maybe because my dad showed up for my performance that night, despite all else. Providing support to others where and when I can feels like the right thing to do and feels like a way to resist the influence of the oligarchy, capitalism, and the president's harmful decisions.
I have been listening to pop music has been good medicine for my heavy heart lately. Bangers like Hostile Government Takeover and Backstreet Boys have been helping me cope. This past week, Hubby and I provided support for our three friends as chauffeurs to O'Hare as they prepared to flee the country. Our friends: Kitty, Humble Hobbit, and Chainmail prepared for this trip and endured much hardship in the process. I rented a car, we packed everyone in tightly, and made the journey. Sharing music, making funnies and sharing a bag of pickle balls. It was a wholesome affair without any issues. Once we arrived, we said our tearful goodbyes. Despite my friends having been harassed by airline staff, they courageously boarded their plane. They made it to their destination safe and sound! Just in time to miss an airport staff strike in Brussels and a snow storm here.
I connected with Kitty online, we made a trade for creative work in exchange for knife sharpening. She demonstrated kindness, acceptance, and genuinely helped Hubby and I with several tough situations. Next thing I know, she becomes one of my closest friends. We shared in many board games, adventures, meals, media, and tears. Kitty, Humble Hobbit, and Chainmail will be painfully missed though I believe they will thrive in their new lives. They are now in a place where they can receive medical care, access their community in a walkable and beautiful city. Oh, and escape an administration that wants to erase their existence. Knowing our friends are safe has been a gift and things worked out beautifully--arriving at their destination with Backstreet Boys playing on their arrival. How perfect is that? Many things lined up just right for them and I'm so grateful that most things lined up well for them on their adventure out. I'm eternally grateful for their kindness and their existence deserves to nurtured by a country who will welcome them and treat them fairly.
The show must go on, and that means I am fortunate to have menial tasks like making dinner. Last night, I cut a red pepper in half. It revealed a paper-thin strand down the middle with a newly sprouting pepper inside it's cavity. The new growth as a corkscrew shape of red and green. The seeds revealed internally below the stem. Immediately, I was struck by this and set it aside so I could capture it as a painting. It spoke to me, the idea of being raw and exposed where growth was taking place hidden safely inside.
Working on this painting throughout the day was refreshing. It felt good to put paint on paper that isn't being paid for by a client. Just because. Meanwhile, Hubby put on a movie in the background. It was Cloud Atlas, a film panned by critics and audiences but those people are just, well, wrong. Some people just don't give themselves a chance to appreciate art and blame the artists when they don't get it. Cloud Atlas is a great example of this because it depicts the intertwined lives of several people throughout time who's actions impact future generations in ways they could not imagine. A quote from the film that I find to be powerfully relevant: "Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others. Past and present. And by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future."
For some reason I cannot explain, I was compelled to put contacts in my eyes for the first time in several years. I found them the other day, unexpired. I put them in and realized that my sight had changed but for the most part, it felt freeing to take my glasses off. After a few tears at the end of the movie, I decided it was time to take them out, but I had no contact solution. I went to a local pharmacy and as I approached the check-out, one of the two clerks was attempting to help a gentleman buying infant formula. The gentleman did not speak English and decided to leave while I was doing my transaction. The clerk who was helping that gentleman wished he could get him back in the store and help the man by paying for the formula himself. Then the other clerk and I chimed in, we could also help. I ran out the door and signaled the gentleman back inside. Together, with strangers, neighbors, we worked together. Using powers of my barely useable Spanish to communicate with this gentleman, he was stunned. He provided several hugs and handshakes, leaving with eight containers of formula. As a caring group of individuals coming together in this moment that was an opportunity to support a neighbor and his family. A gesture, a kindness, a gift to say he is in fact welcome in our community because "...by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future." Choose wisely, my friends.
Comments